THanks for visiting!

Tom Hanks has been in the UK for the past week.

Based in London, just 70 miles – or one of my favourite train journeys – away, I can practically smell him (old spice and shoe leather is my best guess but I’m happy to debate this with whomever has their own views on this point).

My modus operandi to get hold of the Hanx has to date included:

• Attempting to get tickets for the Graham Norton show, on which he appeared – no answer.
• Applying to humiliate myself on the Red Chair on the same show – no answer.
• Spending my life savings (about seven pounds) on texts to BBC radio 2, in an attempt to get Zoe Ball to ask him ONE SIMPLE QUESTION – she did not.
• Endless tweeting and an excruciating 45 minutes of sitting through Heart radio breakfast show to ask the same question – only to find his interview had been pre-recorded and he was likely already halfway across the Atlantic, thanking his lucky stars he has escaped a whole week’s worth of endless press relatively unscathed.

Really, all these feeble efforts at attempting to get in touch are just child’s play, in the wider stalker’s smorgasbord of options.

• Why have I not camped outside his hotel?
• Why have I not bombarded his agents and publicists with requests for interviews?
• Why have I not done anything even remotely restraining-order worthy?

Maybe I’m just too British for this sort of thing. Or maybe (cough) I’m being sensible and professional and going through the correct channels – i.e. googling producers and managers, writing letters of introduction, requesting to pitch – and growing slowly more despondent and drunker each day, like every other writer before me. Yay me!

One thing I have discovered throughout this process is that going on one of these press junkets must be massively tedious and exhausting. I’ve by no means watched, listened to or read all of his press appearances, but from the ones I have, I’ve heard the same anecdotes and stories several times. There are certain things he is allowed to say, and many he is not. He must by now be able to recite the Toy Story 4 synopsis in his sleep, and it appears most of his interviews have been held so early in the morning he really deserves to be. He does it all with good humour and high spirits, but I can’t help but think this isn’t what he signed up to when he first applied to drama school as a kid. Likewise, the reason I started to write a follow up to Big wasn’t to then spend endless tedious hours trying to get his attention.

To date my “Do you know Tom Hanks” social media campaign has not yielded much fruit (or A List actors). What it has done, however, is made me realise how many people are behind my quest, and excited about the potential of the film. I’ve had people I’ve never met, from the other side of the world, wishing me luck; I’ve had friends of friends asking their friends of friends if they have any kind of vague connection; I’ve heard from people on similar quests of their own. It’s given me faith that it’s not a completely crazy idea, and patience that it doesn’t need to happen today (although today would be nice). It’s given me a lovely warm fuzzy feeling that 211 people have gone out of their way to visit and ‘like’ my page in the midst of all the ridiculousness going on in the world – much as I am grateful to Tom Hanks for visiting our crazy isle, I thank you guys more. I shall now unglue myself from social media and Tom Hanks Google alerts to resume my usual position behind my desk, adjusting plot lines and editing typos – a position in which I am much more comfortable. And I hope that Mr Hanks will find some time to do what he does best soon, without the requirement to be endlessly cheerful at 7am. Nobody signs up for that!